rockabillyboy | (no subject)

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party poison

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They've been watching a movie and it's almost like things are back to normal. Jack's sprawled on the sofa with one leg thrown across Poison's lap and he's spent almost as much time watching Poison's profile as he's spent watching the movie. The credits roll and Jack flicks off the TV. He swallows, looking at Poison, head slightly tilted.

"Bed?"

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"This is something," he agrees. "Would it-- I mean." Poison tries to think of what he wants to say. He wants to help, he wants to give Jack closure or catharsis or whatever it is that he needs from this. His fingers rub over Jack's neck.

"Tell me. Even if you just talk about it or something, just-- I don't want you to feel like you have to keep it bottled up."

"I'm not even still angry," he says, shaking his head. This is easier if he doesn't look at Poison. "Not really. But...half the time, when I look at you, I kind of want to slap you. I'm not sure...I mean. I guess it makes sense."

Poison grins a little. "So do it," he says, giving a small nudge of his hips. "I mean, even if you're not feeling it right now. If it comes up."

"That's what I said to Bull," says Jack and he actually does huff a laugh. "It's not really making a point if you get off on it."

Poison rolls his eyes. "Who says that I'd get off? Or be allowed to?" It feels really good to hear Jack laugh, even if it's only a little. He leans down to kiss him, his cheek this time.

"I don't think a scene's going to do it for me, P," he says, softly. "I think this is something I'm just going to have to figure out on my own. We'll get there. I'm just not sure how yet."

"Just, keep talking to me," he murmurs. "If there's anything I can do, or not do, okay?" He gently squeezes Jack's neck, rubs over the tendon there.

Jack nods.

"We're going to be okay, you and me," he says. "But...I don't want us to see other people anymore. Okay? I know..I know I shouldn't ask that with you and Krem, but..."

"Me and Krem can stop and go back to just being bros that hang out," he says easily. It's never been complicated between them, and there's always been the knowledge that this relationship might close up again. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"Even if Kavinsky and I manage to get back to being friends, it's never going to be that again," he says, shaking his head. "Can't be, after this."

"Do you still want the option on the table? If you meet someone else?" Poison just wants to be clear and if jack doesn't want the possibility at all then he wants to he clear on that too.

"No," says Jack, shaking his head. "I just want it to be us. This is all I need."

Poison is pretty sure what he's feeling is relief and he gives Jack a small, warm smile. "Just you and me," he murmurs. "I like the sound of that."

"Me too," says Jack. They'd tried, they'd failed, and now he was happy when it was just the two of them together. He traces his fingers down Poison's side, under rucked up cotton. "I love you so much."

Poison wouldn't call it a failure; him doing anything with Kavinsky the way he did had been a terrible, thoughtless mistake. But he doesn't regret closing it back up again; whatever Jack wants, whatever makes him comfortable, Poison wants to make work. He tries to slide down a little under Jack, getting closer. He kisses his forehead. "I love you, Jack. Til the the sun burns down."

"God, it's always the end of the world with you," says Jack, sighing a little. He smiles. "I'm still pissed with both of you. A little."

"Love you til the end of the rainbow?" he tries, blushing a bit. "You're allowed to be pissed, Jack. And I'm not gonna rush you out of it. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't know what I'd do if Ghoul actually showed up," he says, finally. "This whole thing...it scared the shit out of me."

Poison nods a little. "I don't know, either. I'd like to think I'd handle it better than this... I never did deal with it. Losing him. Losing all of them. I got here and I hit the ground running and I never looked back."

He doesn't know if that's part of why he'd done what he did, as stupid was it was. There was no excuse for it.

"I guess we'll figure it out if it ever happens," says Jack, letting out a little, shivering sigh, his hands still pressed against Poison's skin. "I wouldn't...I'd figure it out, Poison. For you, I would."

Poison hugs Jack close to him, holds him tightly. "I know, baby. But I don't wanna think about the what-ifs... I do that so much already and it's nearly fucked us up," he murmurs. "I'm here, I'm yours."

Jack traces the gold band on Poison's finger, nodding. He lifts Poison's hand, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.

"You know, really soon, we'll have known each other for a year."

"Yeah," he murmurs, everything in him softening. "It's-- it's weird to think about. I don't know where I'd be right now without you, Jack. Probably nowhere good."

"Not worth thinking about it, is it?" says Jack, shifting so that he can put his head on the pillow next to Poison's, actually look him in the eye. "This is where we are. This is where we ended up."

"I love you, Jack," he murmurs when Jack rests his head on the pillow near him. Poison turns onto his side, just looking at him. He leans close to kiss him, reaching to hold his face. "I don't want to be anywhere else."

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