rockabillyboy | (no subject)

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poison

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It feels, a little like it did after Jillie's accident, the big one, the one that ended with their mom in hospital. Loss lies heavy over the house like a sheet over a mirror. Jack spends a lot of time with Poison, with Jillie, giving them as much as he can, as much of what he hopes they need. He plays with Jillie's hair. At night, he lies curled around the comma of Poison's spine, and he holds on as tight as he can.

That morning, he sits at the kitchen table, a small black box on the table in front of him. When Poison comes padding into the kitchen, Jack looks up.

"Can we talk about this?" he says, softly. "I...I want to talk about this."
Because they can lose, at any time. Any minute. So they have to live now.

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Talking isn't something they've been doing much of, lately - Jack's been being there ,as much as he can, without making Poison think of what he wants to say. He nudges a chair out from the table with one foot and holds out his hand.

"C'mon, sweetheart. Come sit with me."

Poison sinks down at the chair and he realizes that he's terrified. But he scoots his chair in as he sits - he won't run - and he looks at Jack.

"What are we talking about?"

He's never been that great with surprises and he tries to ignore the way his stomach twists up, trying to insist something bad will happen. No it won't becomes his mantra.

Slowly, carefully, Jack reaches out and he opens the small box. Inside there are two rings, gold and thing, plain, except for tiny anchors engraved on the inside of the band.

"Using these," he says. He reaches out across the table and takes hold of Poison's hand, squeezing his fingers.

Poison looks at the rings, nestled in their box, and he squeezes Jack's fingers back. He wants to say something like there has to be a better time but he's starting to think, no, there won't be.

It'll never feel like the right time, it'll never feel like they're completely ready to do this. The same way he never felt ready to lead a revolution or to take care of a little baby girl. But that hadn't stopped him from doing any of it. Why should it stop him from this.

He cracks a little grin and looks from the rings to Jack's face. "Name the time and the place, Vincent."

"I spoke to someone down at city hall," says Jack, looking down at the rings, his eyes shifting to their tangled fingers, to the sharp line of Poison's nose. "We can do it any time from tomorrow. Doesn't..." He frowns. "Somehow, it doesn't feel right to get all dressed up for it anymore?"

"Hey, yes it does. Because she'd hit me over the head if I didn't look amazing for my own wedding." Poison squeezes Jack's hand and he gets up from his chair so he can lean closer, so he can kiss him.

"Maybe we hold off on other stuff, like the party and all, but... She'd-- I don't think she'd want us to suddenly be drab about it just because she isn't here. She'd find a way to kick my ass."

He feels tears stinging as he says it, because he misses her, so fucking much. But she's his Sunshine, and he knows she wouldn't want him to let his lights go out.

"Yeah, maybe you've got a point," says Jack, and he smiles a little, reaching up to brush a strand of Poison's bright hair out of his eyes. He shifts, pushing back from the table a little so that he can draw Poison into his lap, curling both arms around his waist. "Fuck it. Let's make some noise, baby. How do you want to do it?"

Poison slides right into Jack's lap and he leans close to press their foreheads together.

"We're gonna get dressed up the way we planned to," he says. "And we're gonna-- we're gonna bring whoever we want, whoever we can, to witness." He's sure Kav and Krem will still do it, though he isn't sure if Jack is on an even level with Kav yet. Whoever Jack wants as his witness, they'll find them and make sure they're there.

"And we'll-- I dunno, we'll treat ourselves somehow. We'll give ourselves a honeymoon of some kind. Maybe not right away, we can figure it out. And then, when we feel like it, we'll do it up and have a party."

"That hotel up in the mountains will probably be open again in December," says Jack softly, his thumb stroking against the side of Poison's neck. "We'll go up there, take a few days just us..."

"Just us and some avalanche-inducing celebration." Poison grins and he bumps their heads together. It almost hurts to smile without her there, but it's also okay. It's going to be okay.

She survived without him. She made it a point to survive. It would be a disservice to everything about his brilliant Girl to do anything less than the same.

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