rockabillyboy | (no subject)

He feels like kind of a shitheel for being upset about it, honestly, but some things demand to be felt and he can't quite pull himself out of it. He ends up curled on the sofa, his head pillowed on his arm, his knees pulled up, just staring at the selfie that Kavinsky had sent him this morning of him and Newt, grinning and happy and so obviously in love, matching rings in place.

What he is not in love with Joseph Kavinsky, not quite, but it's something like it and his heart hurts a little at the knowledge that their relationship is going to have to change because Jack might be a bad buddhist but he can't quite conceive of sleeping with somebody else's husband.

Jack sighs and closes his eyes.

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From:

afabulouskilljoy

Poison hasn't often seen Jack depressed. Maybe this isn't depression, but it sure as hell looks like down. He quietly makes tea and brings it over, setting the mug on the small table in front of the couch. Then he oh-so-carefully and probably a little obnoxiously settles on the couch, tucking himself behind the curve of Jack's legs.

"Hey baby," he murmurs. "What's up?"

Maybe he sees the selfie, but he asks Jack anyway.

From:

rockabillyboy

Jack takes another long look at his phone and then he holds it out to Poison. His eyes sting like he's about to burst into tears and he sniffs, pushing that tight, miserable feeling down in his chest.

From:

afabulouskilljoy

Poison gently fluffs Jack's hair as he takes the phone to get a better look at the picture. Kav and Newt look ridiculously happy and he can't help but smile a bit.

He schools his face, though, and reaches to set the phone down on the table. "You're upset Kav got married?" he asks gently.

From:

rockabillyboy

"Yeah?" says Jack, pressing his face into his arm a little, rolling one shoulder in a shrug. "A little. Which...I know makes me a total asshole."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Depends on why you're upset," he points out softly. He strokes Jack's hair and lays against him, trying to provide some physical comfort.

From:

rockabillyboy

Jack tries to sink into him, into the comfort of the warmth of Poison's body pressed up against him. "I just...Is it weird that I miss him already?"

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Miss him? It's not like he's going anywhere." Poison props himself up a little just so he can see Jack's face. "Are you saying you're not gonna sleep with him anymore 'cause he's married?" Hey he's just making sure he knows what Jack is grieving here.

From:

rockabillyboy

"I don't think I can? I mean...It's different, isn't it? He says it isn't, but..." Jack sniffs. "But it is."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Would if it have been like this if you and me got married? Would you feel like you stopped seeing him 'cause we tied the knot?" Poison keeps his tone gentle because he's not trying to be nasty - he really just wants to help identify and understand where Jack's hang up is.

From:

rockabillyboy

"Yeah," says Jak, and he doesn't even think about it. "Yeah, I would. Because...that means something, right? Something changes." He thinks about his mom and dad, who had never had eyes for anyone else, no matter what else had been going on.

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"What changes? We've been pretty committed to each other since we decided we were gonna do this thing together, and you still asked if you could fuck around with Kav. I mess around with Krem. You put a ring on me and nothing had to change."

Maybe he shouldn't gently push Jack like this, but if his boyfriend is going to be tangled up and upset over some convictions he has, Poison wants Jack to understand them. And if the idea of Kav and Newt being married changes everything, that's fine. But he doesn't want Jack being upset or beating himself up for a reason that might not hold water.

From:

From:

hebeimmortalized

Jillie hasn't really approved of Jack's weird relationship, but it's his choice, so she hasn't wanted to get involved. But now her brother is lying on the couch, heartbroken. She walks over to him and sits on the couch, sort of sliding over his legs so that she's sitting with hers draped over his legs, her hip against his butt.

"Tell me," she says, rubbing his knee.

From:

rockabillyboy

"He got married," says Jack, holding out his phone so that she can take it, so that she can see. "Which is great. It's fantastic. Newt is a great guy and I'm happy for him but..." He lets out a slightly watery sigh. "I don't know, Jillie. I can't if he's married."

From:

hebeimmortalized

She takes the phone and studies the picture, then wrinkles her nose. They're cute. It's adorable, really. It's just not for her.

"Makes sense," she reasons. "You'd be the other woman." She looks over at him thoughtfully. "You know I don't really get why you were doing it to begin with." It makes it difficult to comfort him. "I hate seeing you like this, though. This isn't something I can fix. Am I supposed to say 'hey, there are other fish in the sea'? Or am I supposed to say 'I told you this was going to end with one of you heartbroken'? Or do I say 'I'll beat him up for you, how dare he do this to my brother'?"

She makes a face again, and shimmies between Jack's back and the couch, wrapping around him stubbornly and a little awkwardly, until she's spooning him protectively.

From:

rockabillyboy

Jack shifts and squirms around on the sofa until she can lie between him and the couch, until they're comfortable. He closes his eyes and threads his fingers with hers.

"I mean, I was always that. Or he was. He used to call himself a sidepiece." His nose wrinkles. He hates that. And Kavinsky knows it.

From:

hebeimmortalized

"But it's different," she reasons. "Vows were taken. It's like . . . a betrayal, or something." She nudges her nose against the patch of skin behind his ear. "It changes whatever weird dy— dy-nam-ic you guys had."

From:

rockabillyboy

"Stop calling it weird," says Jack, stubborn, petulant, a kid again sometimes when he's with her. "It doesn't feel weird when I'm with him."

From:

hebeimmortalized

She rolls her eyes, making sure that he feels the force of it move her head. "You know what I mean. It's weird to me. If it were weird to you when you were with him, I wouldn't want you to be involved. Besides, weird doesn't always mean bad, it just means. Weird." She squeezes his fingers with hers, gently. "Have you talked to him? Um, Kavinsky. Have you talked to him about it?"

From:

rockabillyboy

"You've got no idea," says Jack, laughing a little, burying his face in the couch cushion for a moment, still holding onto Jillie's hand. "Yeah, we've talked. He..doesn't see what the big deal is. Dick doesn't change just because he's wearing a ring."

From:

hebeimmortalized

"But it's a big deal to you," she points out. "Marriage changes shit. It makes limits. I mean, I guess if everyone is still okay with it, then you just need to get over yourself?" She smiles and shrugs. "But that doesn't mean your feelings aren't still real and okay to have."

From:

rockabillyboy

"I've got a lot of feelings," says Jack, and he laughs at himself a little, shaking his head. "I just...I'm not in love with him? I don't think? I love him, but I'm in love with P, and that feels so, so different."

From:

hebeimmortalized

Jillie makes an acknowledging sound. For a moment, she's keenly aware that she's probably never going to have what Jack has, and she feels her eyes prick, and mentally shakes herself. This isn't about her, this is about Jackson.

"Is it just Kavinsky that you do that with? Or is it, like . . . do you think you can do that with other guys, too? Guys not married?"

From:

rockabillyboy

"It's mostly just K," says Jack, his cheeks flushing slightly. "We messed around with a guy we know called Bull not like ago, but that was both us. Poison and me. Mostly we've got like...I've got Kavinsky and he's got Krem?" He doesn't know if Jillie's even met Krem. "My...birthday got kind of wild?"

It's weird, talking about it, but she's his sister, his twin, and there's never been anything about him she didn't know before.