(no subject)

[rockabillyboy]

He feels like kind of a shitheel for being upset about it, honestly, but some things demand to be felt and he can't quite pull himself out of it. He ends up curled on the sofa, his head pillowed on his arm, his knees pulled up, just staring at the selfie that Kavinsky had sent him this morning of him and Newt, grinning and happy and so obviously in love, matching rings in place.

What he is not in love with Joseph Kavinsky, not quite, but it's something like it and his heart hurts a little at the knowledge that their relationship is going to have to change because Jack might be a bad buddhist but he can't quite conceive of sleeping with somebody else's husband.

Jack sighs and closes his eyes.

Comments

[rockabillyboy]

Jack tries to sink into him, into the comfort of the warmth of Poison's body pressed up against him. "I just...Is it weird that I miss him already?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Miss him? It's not like he's going anywhere." Poison props himself up a little just so he can see Jack's face. "Are you saying you're not gonna sleep with him anymore 'cause he's married?" Hey he's just making sure he knows what Jack is grieving here.

[rockabillyboy]

"I don't think I can? I mean...It's different, isn't it? He says it isn't, but..." Jack sniffs. "But it is."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Would if it have been like this if you and me got married? Would you feel like you stopped seeing him 'cause we tied the knot?" Poison keeps his tone gentle because he's not trying to be nasty - he really just wants to help identify and understand where Jack's hang up is.

[rockabillyboy]

"Yeah," says Jak, and he doesn't even think about it. "Yeah, I would. Because...that means something, right? Something changes." He thinks about his mom and dad, who had never had eyes for anyone else, no matter what else had been going on.

[afabulouskilljoy]

"What changes? We've been pretty committed to each other since we decided we were gonna do this thing together, and you still asked if you could fuck around with Kav. I mess around with Krem. You put a ring on me and nothing had to change."

Maybe he shouldn't gently push Jack like this, but if his boyfriend is going to be tangled up and upset over some convictions he has, Poison wants Jack to understand them. And if the idea of Kav and Newt being married changes everything, that's fine. But he doesn't want Jack being upset or beating himself up for a reason that might not hold water.

[rockabillyboy]

"You're making it sound stupid but it doesn't feel stupid," says Jack, his jaw tightening slightly. "I don't know what's different, okay? I just think of him having a husband and I feel all..." He gestures. "Weird."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"I'm not trying to make it sound stupid, honey. Just trying to understand." He kisses Jack's shoulder, then leans to kiss his jaw, trying to ease the tension there. "If it makes you feel weird that's fine. And if you can't explain it, that's fine too. Just wanted to see if opening the idea up would help."

It isn't, so Poison figures he'll just let it drop for now. He hugs Jack close to him.

[rockabillyboy]

"You don't have to stop seeing Krem," says Jack, sniffing. "M'not going to ask you for that."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison smiles small and kisses Jack's hair. "Wasn't worried about that just now, baby. I'm all about you." He pushes himself up so he can lean over Jack and give him a kiss, sweet and soft.

"Love you, baby. It sucks that you're hurting right now." He gently bumps his brow against Jack's. "What can I do?" He won't tell Jack that he needs to get over it, because it's new and it hurts and Jack deserves to take time to feel what he's feeling. But if Poison can help, he wants to.

[rockabillyboy]

"I don't know," admits Jack, shifting a little, covering his face with his hands. "I don't even know why I'm this fucking sad. It's not like I've lost him. We're still friends."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison kisses Jack's hair and hugs him close. "So just be sad for now, baby. Think about the why later. You don't have to do both at the same time."

[rockabillyboy]

"I just keep thinking about my parents. How I never saw my dad look at anyone else. Marriage has got to mean something, right?" he lets out a shaky breath. "Otherwise why bother?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Marriage does mean something, baby, but it doesn't mean the same things to all people. I barely even remember my dad." Jack might remember that from the comic Poison had given him. The last time Poison had seen him, he'd been a little kid. "It means what you want it to mean."

[rockabillyboy]

"Maybe I want it to mean what my parents had," says Jack, softly. "The way my dad always looked at my mom."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Do you think I'd look at you differently?" he asks, gently coaxing Jack to look at him. "Think it makes me love you any less?"

[rockabillyboy]

"That's not what I meant," says Jack, softly, nuzzling into Poison's palm. "I don't really know what I mean, but it's not that."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"So think on it. Meditate." Poison smiles small and gives Jack another kiss. "You don't need to be sure about anything right now. I've got you."

[rockabillyboy]

"Yeah," says Jack, nodding. "Yeah, I'm pretty much going to have to." He lets out a sigh. "I meant it, though. About Krem."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison nods about Krem. He's not worried about that right now, he's focused on Jack. "Hey, roll over, lemme look at you." He moves to try to make it easier so he doesn't fall on Jack as he turns.

[rockabillyboy]

Jack shifts onto his back on the couch, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands before he looks up at Poison.

"I bet I look like shit."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"You're beautiful," he murmurs, giving Jack a little smile. He leans down to kiss him, one hand cradling his face. "I love you, baby. I'm sorry this is hitting you so hard, I am." He kisses Jack again, wishing he could do something to put him at ease.

[rockabillyboy]

"I know, baby," says Jack, nodding, and there's a small, mean part of him that wonders whether Poison isn't a tiny little bit pleased. "I was talking to Jillie about it a bit earlier."

[afabulouskilljoy]

He nuzzles into Jack's hair and hugs him close. "Yeah? How'd that go?" Poison still kind of marvels over the things Jack and Jillie can apparently talk about.

[rockabillyboy]

"Well, she knows we had an orgy for my birthday," says Jack, huffing a laugh. "So...that's something."