(no subject)

[rockabillyboy]

"I'm pretty sure that Kavinsky's in love with me."

He blurts it out, all of a sudden, lying on his side in bed with a movie playing on the laptop. He rolls over to look up at Poison, eyebrows raised. "I mean, I know he is. But...it's not a big deal. It's not. It's just...something I'm not okay with you not knowing anymore."

He blurts it out. And then he waits.

Comments

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison smiles small and leans to gently butt their foreheads together. "Love you," he murmurs, brushing his fingers over Jack's cheek. "I love you, and I'm with you, okay?"

[rockabillyboy]

"I love you too," says Jack, looking Poison in the eyes for a moment before he turns his head to catch Poison's fingers with a kiss. "We'll figure it out." He sighs, pressing himself closer. "I'm a terrible Buddhist."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"What does this have to do with Buddhism?" he laughs, giving Jack a little smile.

[rockabillyboy]

"Do no harm," says Jack, but he's mostly joking because it feels like something that they can work out between them. He trails his fingers down the side of Poison's face. "If this happens, if it works out, is there...anything you'd...you know...rather I didn't do with him?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

"That's a big question." Poison sighs and rolls onto his back - he's not pulling away, just staring at the ceiling. "I-- I don't know. Are there things you feel that you might not be able to red light? Like-- fuck. Uhm."

[rockabillyboy]

He tucks himself in alongside Poison his head against his shoulder.

"We got...I didn't have to red light him the first time, but he gave me an opt out." Jack looks down at him. "This can be visceral, you know? Just stuff you...don't like the thought of."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison nods. Maybe Jack needs boundaries right now. Maybe Jack needs him to set them. He's not entirely sure how he feels about that, but he can try.

"I don't-- I mean half of the things in my head right now are kind of petty 'cause I'm still a little raw," he points out. He's trying to sift through those. "I don't-- I don't want you to like-- but I know what you like, how can I tell you not to enjoy that whenever you want it?" Even if it's not with him. Poison frowns, really trying to do this.

Jack needs him to, right?

[rockabillyboy]

"Like I said, I'm okay with you setting boundaries viscerally," says Jack, nuzzling against Poison's chest. "I need some parameters here, baby. I need boundaries."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Don't fall in love with him." It comes out as a whisper, a plea. He can be okay with a lot of things. He's not sure about that one, though. He huffed a weak laugh. "Sorry, ignore that. I can't ask someone that."

He scrubs his face with his hands, trying to think.

"Don't get too vulnerable, not at first. I mean. I know you're really into a lot of humiliation stuff, just. Be careful with it I guess. For a while. Unless I get to bet there too." Which maybe isn't fair to ask, but he's not even saying he has to be involved. He just wants to be close. "Don't-- don't let him hurt you a lot."

What the fuck is he even saying?

[rockabillyboy]

"He wouldn't hurt me." He says it quietly, but it's designed to reassure. He knows that, in Kavinsky, there is something violent held in check. But he also knows how Kavinsky looks at him.

"All of that feels pretty reasonable, baby."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"And you have to tell me," he murmurs. "You have to tell me if you're not gonna be around, or if-- if you're not coming home or if you need to ask for something. You need to check in with me. You can't just-- just disappear."

Some of that is reasonable, right? Jack has his own apartment so maybe it's weird to demand to know if he's not coming home, but he's already said it.

[rockabillyboy]

"I will tell you," says Jack, coming the hair back from Poison's face. "I'll check in. Do you need to know if I'm spending time with him during the day or just if I'm going to be somewhere else at night?"

On 1 September 2016 at 18:59, afabulouskilljoy - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Just if you're not gonna be around at night. I don't need to keep tabs on you twenty four-seven. He's your friend. It'd be weird if you weren't hanging out, and it'd be weird if you had to tell me all the time that you're hanging out."

[rockabillyboy]

"This isn't just hanging out and you know it," says Jack, his tone gentle. "It's okay if you want to know what's happening when. Or...if you don't want to know."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"But I can't like... police that. Can I?" he looks over at Jack, sincerely asking. "He's your friend. And I--" Fuck. He huffs a sigh and looks at the ceiling again. "I guess- I don't know what you want to be with him, Jack. Like if you guys are gonna want to run around like boyfriends or be friends that fuck on occasion."

[rockabillyboy]

"I've got one boyfriend," says Jack, firmly. "Not looking for another one." He tucks his fingers under the hem of Poison's t-shirt so that he can touch his bare skin, looking to feel grounded.

[afabulouskilljoy]

He laughs weakly. "This is hard." Doing it this way, trying to negotiate it after the fact. Poison turns, pulling Jack into a kiss. He needs it right then.

"Do you think this'll be... permanent?"

Maybe some secret part of him hopes that this will run its course somehow. But that doesn't feel fair, either.

[rockabillyboy]

He rolls one shoulder in a shrug, leaning in to chase the kiss a little, pressing another against the corner of Poison's mouth.

"Guess I don't know until I start."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison nods. He shouldn't have asked that. He touches his forehead against Jack's. Why does he feel so miserable? Philosophically, he's totally okay with what they're talking about. He leans in to catch another kiss, lingering for a moment.

[rockabillyboy]

Jack frowns, his fingers stroking lightly against the small of Poison's back.

"What's that look for, baby?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

"I don't know how soon you can like... start this, if I say yes," he answers. "Like, even if I said okay tomorrow, I don't know if I'd be okay with you just like... darting off to go fool around or something. It needs more distance. I need-- will you let me decide when the light is green?"

[rockabillyboy]

"Yeah," says Jack, without hesitation. He squeezes Poison's hip. "Of course I'll let you decide."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"That's really okay?" Poison frowns a little as he meets Jack's gaze. "That's not-- infringing?" That's not the word he wants and the helpless tone hopefully conveys that, but he's trying.

[rockabillyboy]

"If that's something that you need then it's really okay, baby," says Jack, gently, making sure that he makes eye-contact. "I promise."

[afabulouskilljoy]

He nods and sinks down again, eyes drifting back up to the ceiling. "Okay," he says quietly. They can do this. It'll work, and it'll be fine. "Still trying to be okay with asking for time," he admits.