(no subject)

[rockabillyboy]

"I'm pretty sure that Kavinsky's in love with me."

He blurts it out, all of a sudden, lying on his side in bed with a movie playing on the laptop. He rolls over to look up at Poison, eyebrows raised. "I mean, I know he is. But...it's not a big deal. It's not. It's just...something I'm not okay with you not knowing anymore."

He blurts it out. And then he waits.

Comments

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Yeah. Feelings are messy, they pop up without asking." Poison shrugs. "Which means we talk. And if you feel like you want to be with another person - that you love them - then... we talk about that." Poison doesn't want to say we break up, but he supposes that's what he's alluding to.

"Feelings are voluntary. But how you want to deal with them is."

[rockabillyboy]

A feeling of cold dread spikes through Jack and he rolls towards Poison, shaking his head.

"I don't want to think about that."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison smiles small and holds Jack close. "It sucks, huh?" He kisses the top of Jack's head and slides down a little more so they can cuddle more equitably. "It's not easy, baby. But we can talk and figure it out, okay? You need to talk to Kav, at some point, to see if that's even a possibility. His boys get a vote in this too, remember."

[rockabillyboy]

"Just don't leave me," says Jack, his voice low and miserable. "Don't think I could stand it."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"I won't be the one doing the leaving," he promises. He kisses Jack's forehead. "You're making yourself miserable over this, baby. You don't have to think of it as all doom and gloom. Could also be a safe place to explore other things, y'know?"

[rockabillyboy]

When he thinks about it like that, he feels slightly better. He nods, leaning up to brush a kiss against the corner of Poison's mouth.

"You're right," he says. "Rationally, I know that."

On 31 August 2016 at 21:39, afabulouskilljoy - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Anchors," he reminds softly. "You're mine, and I can sure as hell try to be yours. I'll try not to suck at it." Poison smiles small and turns his head to catch another, fuller kiss from Jack.

[rockabillyboy]

"You don't suck at it," says Jack, and then Poison's kissing him, kissing him properly, and Jack makes a soft sound against his mouth, shifting to press closer.

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison laughs softly under the kiss and gently guides Jack back, gently. "Easy there, tiger. Still totally having a talk." He's teasing, but also serious. He gives Jack a more chaste kiss.

[rockabillyboy]

"Still talking," says Jack, with a smile, but he's definitely feeling more relaxed. "Right."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"You feeling better? Like, this isn't horribly scary? It's all just talk right now, especially when there are three other moving pieces." Poison gently pinches Jack's nose. "And the most important part is going to be constant communication. Especially between you and me. No surprises."

[rockabillyboy]

"No surprises," promises Jack, his eyes crossing slightly when Poison pinches his nose like that. "And I'm always coming home. Whatever happens. This is home." He's come to think of Poison's apartment as his home; he barely spends any time in his own apartment anymore.

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison smiles small and leans to gently butt their foreheads together. "Love you," he murmurs, brushing his fingers over Jack's cheek. "I love you, and I'm with you, okay?"

[rockabillyboy]

"I love you too," says Jack, looking Poison in the eyes for a moment before he turns his head to catch Poison's fingers with a kiss. "We'll figure it out." He sighs, pressing himself closer. "I'm a terrible Buddhist."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"What does this have to do with Buddhism?" he laughs, giving Jack a little smile.

[rockabillyboy]

"Do no harm," says Jack, but he's mostly joking because it feels like something that they can work out between them. He trails his fingers down the side of Poison's face. "If this happens, if it works out, is there...anything you'd...you know...rather I didn't do with him?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

"That's a big question." Poison sighs and rolls onto his back - he's not pulling away, just staring at the ceiling. "I-- I don't know. Are there things you feel that you might not be able to red light? Like-- fuck. Uhm."

[rockabillyboy]

He tucks himself in alongside Poison his head against his shoulder.

"We got...I didn't have to red light him the first time, but he gave me an opt out." Jack looks down at him. "This can be visceral, you know? Just stuff you...don't like the thought of."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison nods. Maybe Jack needs boundaries right now. Maybe Jack needs him to set them. He's not entirely sure how he feels about that, but he can try.

"I don't-- I mean half of the things in my head right now are kind of petty 'cause I'm still a little raw," he points out. He's trying to sift through those. "I don't-- I don't want you to like-- but I know what you like, how can I tell you not to enjoy that whenever you want it?" Even if it's not with him. Poison frowns, really trying to do this.

Jack needs him to, right?

[rockabillyboy]

"Like I said, I'm okay with you setting boundaries viscerally," says Jack, nuzzling against Poison's chest. "I need some parameters here, baby. I need boundaries."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Don't fall in love with him." It comes out as a whisper, a plea. He can be okay with a lot of things. He's not sure about that one, though. He huffed a weak laugh. "Sorry, ignore that. I can't ask someone that."

He scrubs his face with his hands, trying to think.

"Don't get too vulnerable, not at first. I mean. I know you're really into a lot of humiliation stuff, just. Be careful with it I guess. For a while. Unless I get to bet there too." Which maybe isn't fair to ask, but he's not even saying he has to be involved. He just wants to be close. "Don't-- don't let him hurt you a lot."

What the fuck is he even saying?

[rockabillyboy]

"He wouldn't hurt me." He says it quietly, but it's designed to reassure. He knows that, in Kavinsky, there is something violent held in check. But he also knows how Kavinsky looks at him.

"All of that feels pretty reasonable, baby."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"And you have to tell me," he murmurs. "You have to tell me if you're not gonna be around, or if-- if you're not coming home or if you need to ask for something. You need to check in with me. You can't just-- just disappear."

Some of that is reasonable, right? Jack has his own apartment so maybe it's weird to demand to know if he's not coming home, but he's already said it.

[rockabillyboy]

"I will tell you," says Jack, coming the hair back from Poison's face. "I'll check in. Do you need to know if I'm spending time with him during the day or just if I'm going to be somewhere else at night?"

On 1 September 2016 at 18:59, afabulouskilljoy - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Just if you're not gonna be around at night. I don't need to keep tabs on you twenty four-seven. He's your friend. It'd be weird if you weren't hanging out, and it'd be weird if you had to tell me all the time that you're hanging out."