(no subject)

[rockabillyboy]

"I'm pretty sure that Kavinsky's in love with me."

He blurts it out, all of a sudden, lying on his side in bed with a movie playing on the laptop. He rolls over to look up at Poison, eyebrows raised. "I mean, I know he is. But...it's not a big deal. It's not. It's just...something I'm not okay with you not knowing anymore."

He blurts it out. And then he waits.

Comments

[afabulouskilljoy]

"It's all about context, baby. I mean, a certain degree of possessiveness is not okay ever. But I'm not actually worried about that with you." He flaps his hand in a dismissive gesture.

"But if you're asking me to let you go exploring, do you really want the stipulation to be that I just... not? Like. If you wanna go do something with someone without me. Feels unfair for that kind of permission to just go one way."

[rockabillyboy]

"Do you want to?" asks Jack, eyes drifting over Poison's face. "Go exploring?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison tries not to roll his eyes. Instead he shakes his had a bit. "Doesn't matter. What does matter is you deciding if you can actually be okay with that, because it's a potential consequence of opening this up. And there's degrees of openness we can talk about."

[rockabillyboy]

"Okay," says Jack, rolling onto his back and rubbing his hands over his face for a moment. "Okay. Let's...lets talk about degrees."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"First option is this a completely closed, monogamous relationship." He supposes that's pretty much what they're in now, minus recent events between Jack and Kavinsky. "Second is we... sort of give permission for like. One other person. Like if I said you can be with Kav and only Kav - without me - and anything other than that takes renegotiation. Uhm... another is like, we just... open it. Permission to seek out whatever partners you want, regardless of whether or not I'm invited to participate. But whatever degree of permission you want, same applies to me."

[rockabillyboy]

"I don't like the third idea," admits Jack, knowing that honesty is the only way that this is going to work. "Like viscerally don't like it. For either of us."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Totally fine, just wanted to like. Cover all degrees of openness." Poison shrugs. He didn't think for a moment Jack would be okay with that one, but he'd put it out there just so Jack has an idea of how far it could go.

"So that kind of leaves us with options one and two. And option two means... we negotiate what we're both okay with, and if you want to be with that person then it's fine. Just let me know that's what's up."

Part of him still feels raw about that, but he's pretty sure he can reach a space where he's okay with Jack just... casually being with someone else.

[rockabillyboy]

"I don't want...." He turns it over in his head. "Like. Kavinsky's got his boys and he's in love with both of them and that seems to work great for them? I don't want that." He frowns. "Don't want to be in love with anyone but you."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"No one's asking you to be. Fucking isn't always love, baby. You know that." Or he assumes Jack has figured it out at least a little. He says he doesn't love Kav, and Poison believes him.

[rockabillyboy]

"Okay but...say...you give me permission to screw around with one person and I do the same for you." He strokes his fingers against Poison's arm. "Doesn't that leave us open to feelings?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Yeah. Feelings are messy, they pop up without asking." Poison shrugs. "Which means we talk. And if you feel like you want to be with another person - that you love them - then... we talk about that." Poison doesn't want to say we break up, but he supposes that's what he's alluding to.

"Feelings are voluntary. But how you want to deal with them is."

[rockabillyboy]

A feeling of cold dread spikes through Jack and he rolls towards Poison, shaking his head.

"I don't want to think about that."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison smiles small and holds Jack close. "It sucks, huh?" He kisses the top of Jack's head and slides down a little more so they can cuddle more equitably. "It's not easy, baby. But we can talk and figure it out, okay? You need to talk to Kav, at some point, to see if that's even a possibility. His boys get a vote in this too, remember."

[rockabillyboy]

"Just don't leave me," says Jack, his voice low and miserable. "Don't think I could stand it."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"I won't be the one doing the leaving," he promises. He kisses Jack's forehead. "You're making yourself miserable over this, baby. You don't have to think of it as all doom and gloom. Could also be a safe place to explore other things, y'know?"

[rockabillyboy]

When he thinks about it like that, he feels slightly better. He nods, leaning up to brush a kiss against the corner of Poison's mouth.

"You're right," he says. "Rationally, I know that."

On 31 August 2016 at 21:39, afabulouskilljoy - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Anchors," he reminds softly. "You're mine, and I can sure as hell try to be yours. I'll try not to suck at it." Poison smiles small and turns his head to catch another, fuller kiss from Jack.

[rockabillyboy]

"You don't suck at it," says Jack, and then Poison's kissing him, kissing him properly, and Jack makes a soft sound against his mouth, shifting to press closer.

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison laughs softly under the kiss and gently guides Jack back, gently. "Easy there, tiger. Still totally having a talk." He's teasing, but also serious. He gives Jack a more chaste kiss.

[rockabillyboy]

"Still talking," says Jack, with a smile, but he's definitely feeling more relaxed. "Right."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"You feeling better? Like, this isn't horribly scary? It's all just talk right now, especially when there are three other moving pieces." Poison gently pinches Jack's nose. "And the most important part is going to be constant communication. Especially between you and me. No surprises."

[rockabillyboy]

"No surprises," promises Jack, his eyes crossing slightly when Poison pinches his nose like that. "And I'm always coming home. Whatever happens. This is home." He's come to think of Poison's apartment as his home; he barely spends any time in his own apartment anymore.

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison smiles small and leans to gently butt their foreheads together. "Love you," he murmurs, brushing his fingers over Jack's cheek. "I love you, and I'm with you, okay?"

[rockabillyboy]

"I love you too," says Jack, looking Poison in the eyes for a moment before he turns his head to catch Poison's fingers with a kiss. "We'll figure it out." He sighs, pressing himself closer. "I'm a terrible Buddhist."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"What does this have to do with Buddhism?" he laughs, giving Jack a little smile.