(no subject)

[rockabillyboy]

"I'm pretty sure that Kavinsky's in love with me."

He blurts it out, all of a sudden, lying on his side in bed with a movie playing on the laptop. He rolls over to look up at Poison, eyebrows raised. "I mean, I know he is. But...it's not a big deal. It's not. It's just...something I'm not okay with you not knowing anymore."

He blurts it out. And then he waits.

Comments

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Yeah, what do you wanna talk about?" It sounds like Jack is done with the movie, which is fine. They kind of wandered off there anyway.

[rockabillyboy]

"Anything but that," says Jack, huffing a laugh and rolling his eyes. He scrubs one hand over his face. "I just...yeah. Can't think about it anymore right now. I want to be here with you."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"You are here with me, baby." He smiles gently and fluffs Jack's hair. "C'mon, talk to me about something else," he says. "Tell me something good."

[rockabillyboy]

"Something good," says Jack, thinking about it for a moment, leaning into the touch on his hair. "I finished all of my summer tasks for the start of school? And I'm pretty sure Dee doesn't hate me anymore?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

"She doesn't hate you," he confirms. "And good, does that mean you can relax a little while before classes actually start?" He keeps brushing his fingers along Jack's scalp, down his neck.

[rockabillyboy]

"Yeah, I can relax for a little while," says Jack, leaning into the touch in his hair, down his neck. His eyes drift close. "I'm all signed up for classes and orientation isn't for a couple of weeks."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison smiles. "You're gonna be awesome, baby. And I'll be here to make sure you chill out when you get too intense."

[rockabillyboy]

"Get me out of my head when it's getting too loud," says Jack, grinning, his hand skimming down Poison's head. "I do love your idea of stress relief, baby."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison laughs and shrugs one shoulder. "Works, right?" He's not sure he'll always resort to that, but he can tease Jack about it.

He's quiet for a moment, and he knows Jack might not want to talk about it, but he starts talking anyway.

"At some point, not now if you don't want, we're gonna have to talk about what this relationship looks like or is if we're gonna open it up." Poison still hears Jack's voice in his head: I don't want to share you, P.

[rockabillyboy]

A little shiver, something like nerves or jealousy, slips through Jack's chest. He looks at Poison and nods.

"We can talk about it."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"I'm not saying this is where we're going yet - we both have a lot of thinking to do. But it's both of us that have to do it, not just me. Because if it's open, then it's open. Not just for you. And you have to seriously think about if you can be okay with that."

Poison moves a bit, trying to see Jack's face.

[rockabillyboy]

"Yeah, I don't know," says Jack, and he does Poison the service of tilting his head so that Poison can see the doubt on his face. "You make me...God, I try and fight how possessive you make me."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"It's all about context, baby. I mean, a certain degree of possessiveness is not okay ever. But I'm not actually worried about that with you." He flaps his hand in a dismissive gesture.

"But if you're asking me to let you go exploring, do you really want the stipulation to be that I just... not? Like. If you wanna go do something with someone without me. Feels unfair for that kind of permission to just go one way."

[rockabillyboy]

"Do you want to?" asks Jack, eyes drifting over Poison's face. "Go exploring?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison tries not to roll his eyes. Instead he shakes his had a bit. "Doesn't matter. What does matter is you deciding if you can actually be okay with that, because it's a potential consequence of opening this up. And there's degrees of openness we can talk about."

[rockabillyboy]

"Okay," says Jack, rolling onto his back and rubbing his hands over his face for a moment. "Okay. Let's...lets talk about degrees."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"First option is this a completely closed, monogamous relationship." He supposes that's pretty much what they're in now, minus recent events between Jack and Kavinsky. "Second is we... sort of give permission for like. One other person. Like if I said you can be with Kav and only Kav - without me - and anything other than that takes renegotiation. Uhm... another is like, we just... open it. Permission to seek out whatever partners you want, regardless of whether or not I'm invited to participate. But whatever degree of permission you want, same applies to me."

[rockabillyboy]

"I don't like the third idea," admits Jack, knowing that honesty is the only way that this is going to work. "Like viscerally don't like it. For either of us."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Totally fine, just wanted to like. Cover all degrees of openness." Poison shrugs. He didn't think for a moment Jack would be okay with that one, but he'd put it out there just so Jack has an idea of how far it could go.

"So that kind of leaves us with options one and two. And option two means... we negotiate what we're both okay with, and if you want to be with that person then it's fine. Just let me know that's what's up."

Part of him still feels raw about that, but he's pretty sure he can reach a space where he's okay with Jack just... casually being with someone else.

[rockabillyboy]

"I don't want...." He turns it over in his head. "Like. Kavinsky's got his boys and he's in love with both of them and that seems to work great for them? I don't want that." He frowns. "Don't want to be in love with anyone but you."

[afabulouskilljoy]

"No one's asking you to be. Fucking isn't always love, baby. You know that." Or he assumes Jack has figured it out at least a little. He says he doesn't love Kav, and Poison believes him.

[rockabillyboy]

"Okay but...say...you give me permission to screw around with one person and I do the same for you." He strokes his fingers against Poison's arm. "Doesn't that leave us open to feelings?"

[afabulouskilljoy]

"Yeah. Feelings are messy, they pop up without asking." Poison shrugs. "Which means we talk. And if you feel like you want to be with another person - that you love them - then... we talk about that." Poison doesn't want to say we break up, but he supposes that's what he's alluding to.

"Feelings are voluntary. But how you want to deal with them is."

[rockabillyboy]

A feeling of cold dread spikes through Jack and he rolls towards Poison, shaking his head.

"I don't want to think about that."

[afabulouskilljoy]

Poison smiles small and holds Jack close. "It sucks, huh?" He kisses the top of Jack's head and slides down a little more so they can cuddle more equitably. "It's not easy, baby. But we can talk and figure it out, okay? You need to talk to Kav, at some point, to see if that's even a possibility. His boys get a vote in this too, remember."