rockabillyboy | (no subject)

"I'm pretty sure that Kavinsky's in love with me."

He blurts it out, all of a sudden, lying on his side in bed with a movie playing on the laptop. He rolls over to look up at Poison, eyebrows raised. "I mean, I know he is. But...it's not a big deal. It's not. It's just...something I'm not okay with you not knowing anymore."

He blurts it out. And then he waits.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Well, he hasn't said anything to you, right?" He strokes his fingers into Jack's hair. "And you don't want to explore that particular set of feelings with him. So... I don't know, you have a few options. You confront him about it and make sure things are cool, or you try to ignore it, or you.... I dunno."

He shrugs helplessly.

From:

rockabillyboy

"Not in so many words," says Jack, shaking his head. "He...yeah. Told me he had a crush on me, but I'm pretty sure it's more than that." He closes his eyes. "God, please don't think it reflects on anything we've got that I don't know what the hell I want right now."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

Poison rolls his eyes and slides his hand over Jack's mouth. He coaxes his head back so he can meet his gaze. "Jack, I'm not worried, okay? Feelings are fucking complicated, like I said. Are you worried?"

He moves his hand so Jack can answer.

From:

rockabillyboy

Jack's smiling when Poison moves his hand. Blushed but smiling.

"About us? No. Not really about Kavinsky, either. But...like...I've made a mistake there once already and those feelings haven't gone away, just because I fucked up."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Who says they would've gone away even if you guys didn't fuck on your own?" he points out. "Look, these feelings are all on him, okay?" Poison has to think carefully about what he wants to say next. The self-sabotaging part of him has thoughts he doesn't know if he should humor.

"Kav's got two partners already. Which-- I mean it doesn't--" He makes a helpless gesture, because he has no idea what he's trying to say.

"If you ever feel like... you really need to explore something just. Let me know, I guess."

From:

rockabillyboy

"I don't want to put you in that position again," says Jack, shaking his head. "No matter what I...what I might..." He shakes his head. "Not going to happen."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Talking to me about it up front is totally different, Jack. Last time you sprung it on me in a text message. Just don't do that again."

From:

rockabillyboy

"Isn't it like...isn't it like wanting to cheat on you though?" he asks, eyebrows drawn together. "I just...I don't...i don't understand why this is happening. Why I feel...like this."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Keeping it a secret is cheating on me," he answers. "Talking to me about it, negotiating it with me... that's permission. Or it at least gives me the chance to decide if I'm okay with it or not." He pauses, then adds, "And if you want to do it even if I'm not okay with it, then we have a different conversation."

Poison looks down at Jack, trying to be the calm in the storm. He doesn't want to let on how terrified this conversation makes him.

"Feel like what, baby?"

From:

rockabillyboy

"I don't want to do anything you're not okay with," says Jack, because that needs to be said, needs to be remembered. "Not ever. He reaches out and squeezes Poison's thigh through the sheet. "Like..." He frowns. "Like fucking him is different from fucking you. It...feels different."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"I don't know what to tell you, baby. I can't... figure this out for you." Poison shrugs a bit helplessly.

From:

rockabillyboy

"I don't know what I want," he says, covering his face with his hands. "Except not to hurt you. Never to hurt you."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"This is what I meant when I talked about experience, y'know," he says softly. He strokes Jack's hair, leans to kiss his temple. "And I can't tell you what you should do or what you need to do. And if you-- if you need to go outside of us to figure out what you want, then we talk about it now, or just sometime before you actually do it."

From:

rockabillyboy

He turns into Poison's body, tucks his head into the hollow of his throat for a moment.

"I always want you. I just...it's weird. Sometimes, I want him? Wanted him. But I'm in love? With you. And this is where I want to sleep."

He hates this off-balance feeling, this tumble. He's used to having his shit more together than this.

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"It's not like I've never had a thought about getting naked with someone else since I've been here, Jack. You're human, and if you didn't notice anyone else around here was hot then I'd wonder if you were blind or something."

He kisses Jack's hair and holds him close. "Don't guilt yourself for feeling stuff, okay? Like-- fuck I don't know how to word this," he sighs.

From:

rockabillyboy

"Just..." He taps on Poison's chest with his curled fingers, right over his heart. "Tell me what you're thinking, okay? Don't worry about hurting my feelings for a moment."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"I'm thinking it's too close for me to decide how I feel right now. Because we hit a bump and I'm not back to balanced yet." Poison shrugs.

"Honestly, if you had talked to me like this before doing it, I would've given you my blessing. Probably would've teased you about it when you got home. But it felt-- you didn't lie, you didn't try to hide it, but it felt like, in that moment, you didn't really care how I actually felt, either. You were looking for a quick yes and I gave it."

From:

rockabillyboy

"You're right." Jack's jaw works for a moment. He stays curled into the shelter of Poison's body. "I let my cock do my thinking for me and I didn't give you enough time to think it through and that was...It was...a shitty, shitty thing to do, baby. I'm sorry."

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"We've already done our apologies, Jack. I'm okay - we're gonna be okay. I'm just saying that if you really wanna do this, we need to talk it out and we need to wait a while. And you need to talk to Kavinsky about it, because he's got two guys in his life that might have only said it was okay once. There's a lot more involved."

Poison kisses Jack's hair, lips lingering.

From:

rockabillyboy

Jack nods, his lips brushing against Poison's bare chest when he does.

"Thank you for...even thinking about it," he says, quietly.

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Give me a little while," he says quietly. "But you should talk to Kav regardless, okay? You guys need to figure this out between you first. Like, don't do anything about it... but talk. Then Kavinsky can talk to his boys and you can talk to me. But figure out what it is you want. Fully clothed."

From:

rockabillyboy

"Yeah." He draws in a shivering breath, his hand skimming against Poison's side. "Can we...talk about something else?"

From:

afabulouskilljoy

"Yeah, what do you wanna talk about?" It sounds like Jack is done with the movie, which is fine. They kind of wandered off there anyway.

From:

rockabillyboy

"Anything but that," says Jack, huffing a laugh and rolling his eyes. He scrubs one hand over his face. "I just...yeah. Can't think about it anymore right now. I want to be here with you."